I’m sure there’s like 1% of people somewhere who are just naturally more confident than others but for the most part, confidence is actually going to be a work in progress for most of us. It’s something you need to build on every single day in many different parts of your life.
And listen, it’s okay to not have all the answers for everything. If we did, do you think any of us would even leave our house?!
So, here are at least some answers handed to you on a silver platter.
1. Become BFFs with your nerves
Say hi to your first-date jitters and get to know them a little ’cause they’re totally normal and no, they’re not going anywhere. Get to know them on a granular level. The better you know their source, the better you can figure out how better to manage it!
It’s honestly just biology. Dating is basically putting your body in situations they aren’t able to control or predict and your fight or flight response kicks in, which is just your body’s way of telling you that. I’m not just talking about physical safety, I’m also talking about emotional safety. No one likes getting rejected.
So, acknowledge them. Become friends with them. Think about what exact part of the date/dating process might be making you feel this way and then attempt to address the source.
For me, my biggest source of anxiety is that god-awful end of date kiss. It’s not the kiss that’s awful, it’s all the unknowns like: is there going to be one? What if I don’t want there to be one? What if I do want one and it’s terrible or I bump him in the face with my nose?
On a more serious note, in my past, I’ve had a hard time saying no to people but I’ve been actively making efforts in changing that. So, reassuring myself that I am capable of saying no, and that even though it’ll be cringe as a result, it’s okay! The reassurance has helped big time with my pre-date jitters, maybe it’ll help you too! I go into detail on it in the next point.
2. A little prep goes a long way
Listen, there are those of us who wing shit, and those who just can’t. Both, are okay.
It may feel silly prepping for a date but it shouldn’t be! As I’ve said before, a date is basically just an interview for both of your genitals, sooooo it’s totally normal to wanna pass with flying colors.
Make a mental note of things like what questions you wanna ask them, what stories you’ll wanna share, and even what parts of your personality you’re going to highlight, to make yourself feel more prepared, and thus confident.
3. Hype yourself up pre-date
Do something that makes you feel good! If you want to get your nails done or do your hair, do it!
Go for a little ‘me’ date to make you feel your absolute best! A ‘me’ date can literally be anything from a walk in the park to treating yourself to a new date-night outfit that makes you feel BOMB!
Whatever it is, just remember that to bring your best version of yourself to a date, you must give good vibes to attract good vibes.
4. Practice self-love
This isn’t just a pre-date suggestion. Self-love should be an internal revolution that lasts a lifetime. A revolution from within to actively work toward completely loving yourself for who you are at any stage of life.
Listen, I’m not even halfway there on my self-love journey. I’m like…a drop in the bucket’s worth of self-love revolution. But, it’s a lifetime’s work, you know?
5. Date more!
Practice makes perfect with juuust about anything (researchers have confirmed this). It’s basically just exposure therapy. The more dates you’re on, the more you can tweak your dating experience to optimize results for YOU.
Did that one story you told about your racist uncle at Thanksgiving not go too well on that one date? You just know not to bring it up again!
6. Change perspectives
- Helloooo, your date is also nervous, too!
- It’s a date, that’s it. Don’t go into it thinking you’re going to meet your potential soulmate. You might. You might not. And it’s not even about that. It’s about meeting new people, having fun and being safe! It’s a date, take it at face value!
- Turn your nerves into excitement. Sometimes faking it until you make it works, try it! Just take a page right out of tons of baby boomer’s books on how they’ve been faking their marriages 😂
- Cool thing about dates, the other person also has to say yes to them. And if they said yes to the date, THEY’RE INTO GETTING TO KNOW YOU TOO, fool!
- I can stop now, I think you get where I’m going with this…
If you wanna give Clover a shot (check out the on-demand dating feature to set up a date TONIGHT!) here.
If you’re media and want to reach our Editor, email Moira Ghazal at firstname.lastname@example.org