Buzzfeed just put out a list of some of the best, most cringiest and awkward sex stories. You know, the ones you think about when you can’t sleep YEARS later and still only tell the most trusted of people.
It’ll make your sex life (or lack thereof) seem not so bad. Thanks, Buzzfeed community!
1. This lovely reminder that team work makes the dream work, even after you break up!
“I was really horny, so I drove 45 minutes to my ex’s house to have sex, and the next morning I realized I had forgotten to take out my tampon. His penis was so big that it pushed the tampon up too far, and I couldn’t get it out. After 30 minutes I gave up and called the guy, asking for a favor. I went to his work, locked the door, pulled out some medical gloves and a towel, and spread my legs on his desk so he could pull out the tampon. He fished around for 15 minutes and finally got it out.” – lauront
2. It’s raining teeth!
“I went home with a guy after a party, and while we were having sex his tooth fell out on me. It was dark, so I just thought it was sweat or something, but then he asked, ‘Could you put my tooth back in my mouth for me?‘ It was so gross, but we ended up dating anyway.” – juliac440
3. Friendships were broken that day.
“I dropped into my friend’s house to give her a birthday cake that I spent all day making, and I walked in on my best friends having an orgy. I was so sad because I was apparently the only one not invited. They said I could join in if I wanted, but you could tell no one really wanted me to, so I left them the cake and went to the cinema by myself.” – chocolate14
4. There are no words except OMG HAHAHA
“My brother is 10 years older than I am. When I was younger, he’d take me to my friend’s house and hang out there until I was ready to go home. One day, my friend and I ran into her mother’s room for whatever reason, and that’s when we saw my brother. He jumped out of her bed, BUTT-ASS NAKED, and my friend’s mom was hiding under the fucking duvet. You better believe I snitched to my mom as soon as I got home.” – verrisw
5. “Poo-ston, we’ve got a problem.”
“One of my friends decided to try anal with her boyfriend, but her dad walked in while they were having sex. Her boyfriend pulled his dick out super fast, which caused her to shit all over his stomach and chest. Apparently the smell was so awful that he then started to throw up. Poor dad saw the whole damn thing.” – dreav488
6. Mmmm-mocklate. (Please, someone get this reference)
“I was going down on my boyfriend in my dorm room. His muscles were all tense, and he was breathing really hard. He said he wasn’t going to finish because he had too much to drink, so we both got dressed. I noticed these weird brown streaks on my sheets. He pretended to be confused and left immediately. That’s when I realized why he was acting so weird, because he was trying to hold in his shit while I had his dick in my mouth. The next day, he had the nerve to lie and say he had some chocolate in his back pocket and it must have melted on my bed.” – christinak4c924587c
7. If Velma had an orgy.
“I lost my glasses in the middle of my first orgy. I was a bit overwhelmed, so I left the room. Then I had to wait, naked, for everyone to finish up so I could go back in and search for my glasses.” – Becky S.
8. This near-death experience.
“One day my friend with benefits and I decided to burn one down on a nature walk and get busy. As we rounded the bases and things got heavy, he went to fully take off his pants and tripped over himself, right over the ledge of a small cliff. I had to take him to the hospital, but luckily he was totally fine.” – cats44
“I had been dating a guy for a while, and during the holidays he invited me to meet his (single) dad. Lo and behold, his dad was super hot, like a mixture of Channing Tatum, Bradley Cooper, and David Beckham. Anyway, my boyfriend went out to the pub with some of his old college buddies, so it was just his dad and me at home, watching a movie. One thing led to another, and the dad and I started hooking up. Around 1 a.m. my boyfriend WALKED IN ON US, and – no joke – he looked at us and said, ‘Really dad? Again?’ Needless to say, I never went back to that town again.” – katieb43
10. Last, but definitely not least, this snow day cat-astrophe.
“It was a snow day, and I hooked up with a guy who lived in my apartment complex. He got up and left after we had sex, and as he opened the door to leave, my cat bolted outside. I ran after my cat in just a tank top and underwear, and the door closed and locked behind me. I tried yelling for the guy who I just slept with, but he was already gone. There I was, locked out of my apartment, practically naked, holding my cat in the snow, post hit-it-and-quit-it. I’m not sure who it was more awkward for: me or the maintenance guy who had to let me back in.” – taschen
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